If you need help evaluating and managing your self-esteem, instantly book a free consultation with Megan.
Voted best Self-Esteem Therapist of Plano and Frisco, TX in 2022.
- Recognizing a low self-esteem
- What is low self esteem?
- The feeling of being unworthy
- Causes of low self-esteem
- Do I suffer from a low self-esteem?
- What keeps me from continuing to feel this way?
- What therapy is used for treatment?
- 5 Practical solutions for a low self-esteem
- Why is having a low self-esteem so complex?
Self-Esteem Therapy | 7 Practical Solutions
Self-esteem, the bedrock of personal well-being, plays a pivotal role in shaping the quality of our lives. A robust sense of self-esteem can foster courage, resilience, and the willingness to embrace life’s challenges. In contrast, low self-esteem can trap individuals in a debilitating cycle of anxiety, depression, and fear, marring their ability to lead a contented life. While the root causes of low self-esteem are as diverse as humanity itself, therapeutic interventions offer a beacon of hope. This article presents a toolkit of seven practical, therapist-endorsed strategies designed to transform low self-esteem into a wellspring of positivity and self-affirmation, driving lasting change in the lives of those who apply them.
Understanding Self-Esteem: A Foundation for Therapy and Change
When you look into the mirror, how do you feel about the person staring back at you? Do you feel a sense of self-worth, or do you find yourself critiquing and belittling your worth? The feeling you experience about your own self is your self-esteem. It is the value you place on yourself, the estimation of your worth, which profoundly impacts your life experiences.
Self-esteem isn’t simply a byproduct of our successes or failures. It is a crucial determinant that directs our perception of events, shaping our reactions and interactions with the world. Hence, self-esteem is less about how the world sees us, and more about how we see ourselves.
Researchers have exhaustively explored self-esteem due to its far-reaching implications. It’s evident that healthy self-esteem can fortify our mental and physical health, improve our work and academic performance, strengthen relationships, and reduce antisocial tendencies, transcending age, gender, and ethnic differences.
A Closer Look at Self-Esteem
The interplay of self-esteem is evident in our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It sets the tone for our interactions, dictating the respect we give ourselves and expect from others. Esteemed psychologist Nathaniel Branden defines self-esteem as:
“Confidence in our ability to think and cope with the challenges of life; confidence in our right to be happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, and entitled to assert our needs and wants and to enjoy the fruits of our efforts.“
Healthy self-esteem doesn’t mean being self-absorbed or conceited. It’s a balanced understanding and acceptance of our strengths and limitations. We’re not infallible; acknowledging this fact and respecting ourselves regardless forms the foundation of a healthy self-esteem. In contrast, people with inflated self-esteem, often characterized by constant bragging and arrogance, are likely exhibiting a narcissistic tendency, which is a maladaptive form of self-esteem.
Self-esteem is dynamic. Life events such as illness, job loss, or divorce can lower our self-esteem. However, individuals with healthy self-esteem can rebound from these setbacks, maintaining an overall positive self-image and outlook on the future. Conversely, persistently low self-esteem can make it challenging to cope with life’s adversities, becoming a potential risk factor for depression.
Self-esteem leaves its fingerprints on every aspect of our lives. It informs self-care, how we allow others to interact with us, how we voice our needs, thoughts, and feelings, and our pursuit of personal goals. It significantly contributes to our sense of well-being, success in the workplace, relationship satisfaction, and even predicts marital longevity.
Unraveling the Origins of Self-Esteem
The formation of self-esteem isn’t an overnight process. It’s a learning experience heavily influenced by positive reinforcement during our formative years. Our earliest interactions with parents, siblings, friends, teachers – those whose opinions we value the most – shape our self-esteem. Harsh or judgmental parenting, peer bullying, or underlying mental health conditions like anxiety or depression can be significant contributors to low self-esteem.
Self-Esteem Counseling | Find Your Match
MS, LPCC, LPC, NCC
Therapist | Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor | Nationally Certified Counselor
With over 15 years of experience, I’ve been helping individuals who grapple with self-esteem issues. I believe online counseling specializing in self-esteem can be a transformative resource for people of all ages and genders who are dealing with challenges related to their self-worth. Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect an individual’s confidence; it can significantly impact relationships and may even manifest as mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.
As I often tell my clients, engaging in counseling to address self-esteem issues can help uncover the root causes of such feelings, thereby assisting you in boosting your confidence. Furthermore, it can help prevent your self-esteem problems from escalating and developing into more serious issues. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me today for help.
Recognizing Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can manifest in various ways, such as self-criticism, a constant feeling of incompetence or worthlessness, seeking approval from others, and fear of rejection. Individuals with low self-esteem tend to focus on their perceived weaknesses, often disregarding their strengths, skills, and successes. Other signs include:
- Feeling unloved, unwanted, or disliked
- Being self-critical or overly critical of others
- An inability to accept negative feedback
- A fear of making mistakes or taking risks
- Self-destructive behaviors
- Discomfort with compliments
- Difficulty asserting oneself
- Negative self-talk
- Attraction to destructive relationships
- Fear of intimacy
- Difficulty in starting or completing tasks
- Distorted self-perceptions
These signs are not life sentences; they’re starting points. The journey to transform low self-esteem begins with recognizing these signs and understanding that they can be effectively addressed through self-esteem therapy. By seeking therapy, you embark on a journey towards healthier self-esteem, leading to a more fulfilling, balanced, and happier life.
Dissecting Low Self-Esteem: A Deep Dive Into its Nuances
Low self-esteem is not just a fleeting emotion; it’s a persistent, all-encompassing view of oneself that seeps into every aspect of life, tainting the lens through which we perceive ourselves and the world around us. It’s characterized by a pervasive sense of unworthiness, inadequacy, and a deep-seated feeling of inferiority. When battling low self-esteem, individuals often believe they don’t measure up to societal, professional, or personal expectations. This continuous self-deprecation hampers our ability to maximize our potential, acting as a formidable barrier to achieving our aspirations.
Low self-esteem is not gender-specific; it affects both men and women. However, it can have particularly detrimental effects on women due to societal pressures. Women often grapple with the daunting task of trying to be everything to everyone – a successful professional, a caring family member, an attentive partner, and an unwavering pillar of strength. As societal norms often equate women’s worth with perfection, any perceived deviation can induce feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy, and despair, triggering a downward spiral into low self-esteem.
In many cases, low self-esteem extends beyond the confines of the mind, manifesting itself physically. The stress of feeling inadequate or constantly striving for perfection can lead to chronic headaches or an overwhelming sense of fatigue. The exhausting quest to meet unattainable standards can leave individuals physically drained, further exacerbating feelings of worthlessness.
Psychologically, low self-esteem is often intertwined with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. The sense of self-doubt and constant self-criticism can give rise to persistent worry, sadness, or feelings of hopelessness. The struggle is often compounded by feelings of isolation or disconnection from others. Individuals with low self-esteem often believe that they’re alone in their struggle, perpetuating a cycle of negative thoughts and reinforcing their belief that they are unworthy of understanding, love, or companionship.
But the battle with low self-esteem is not a losing one. Understanding its roots and implications is the first step toward overcoming it. There are myriad ways to counteract low self-esteem and restore balance in our lives. By embracing positive coping strategies such as self-affirmation, mindfulness, and self-compassion, or seeking professional help, individuals can navigate the journey from low self-esteem to self-assuredness.
Embracing professional help like therapy can be especially transformative. Therapists can provide objective insights, guide individuals to discover their inherent worth, and equip them with the necessary tools to build and maintain healthy self-esteem. The path towards change may be challenging, but with the right support and resources, everyone has the potential to overcome low self-esteem. The end goal is to foster a strong, positive self-view that enables individuals to be resilient, confident, and ultimately, the best version of themselves.
What therapy treatment options are there for a low self-esteem?
It’s important to recognize when it’s time to ask for help and explore different therapy options. Low self-esteem can be a debilitating condition and affect many aspects of life, ranging from relationships to job performance. Fortunately, therapists have a variety of therapeutic options that have been proven to be effective in treating low self-esteem.
Therapists tools for treating for low self-esteem
To improve low self-esteem, several psychological treatments have been developed and studied to demonstrate their effectiveness. Among them are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and compassion focused therapy (CFT). At times, these same therapies may even be used for treating depression as well.
How cognitive behavioral therapy is effective:
- Discovering your core convictions, determining the regulations to abide by, creating more flexible values and standards while trialing your adverse predictions through active trials.
- Facing fears head-on and switching self-judgment with empathy. Living in accordance with these new beliefs is how you can take control of anxiety and accomplish lasting transformation.
How compassion focused therapy is effective:
- Compassion focused therapy (CFT) emphasizes the importance of concepts such as self-compassion, mindfulness and acceptance in promoting psychological wellbeing. It aims to help individuals develop a non-judgmental attitude towards themselves, building resilience and improving both physical and mental health. Through this approach, individuals can learn to better understand their own emotions and needs, allowing them to make well-informed decisions which can ultimately lead to improved self-esteem.
Why are there no medical treatments for low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem is a complex psychological condition that can be caused by many different factors. As such, there are currently no medical treatments for this condition, though certain medications may be prescribed to help manage its associated symptoms like depression or anxiety. The focus of treatment for low self-esteem is typically on providing patients with cognitive-behavioral therapies and psychotherapy through which they can learn to identify and address their negative beliefs about themselves. This in turn can aid them in building the necessary skills to improve their self-confidence and hence their overall psychological well-being.
Feeling Unworthy: The Personal Experience of Low Self-Esteem
As a mother from North Dallas, I know all too well the feeling of worthlessness that comes with having low self-esteem. Ever since my late childhood years, I felt like I was not good enough; no matter how hard I tried, it seemed like nothing would ever be enough. This led to feelings of insecurity and anxiety that ultimately kept me from reaching my full potential. It was only after I sought professional help that I realized the underlying source of my low self-esteem: a deep belief that I was not worthy of love and acceptance. This mindset had been with me for so long, it felt like an unshakable part of my identity. Fortunately, with time and effort, as well as support from my therapist, I eventually arrived at a place where I could take control of my life and begin to rebuild my self-esteem. With her guidance, I started to understand the root causes of my low self-esteem, which gave me the insight necessary to confront the problem and start making positive changes in my life. She helped me develop a sense of resilience and confidence that allowed me to tackle challenges head-on instead of cowering away from them in fear. Therapy has made all the difference in helping me transform into an emotionally strong individual who can stand up for herself when needed and take ownership over her future success. It’s been an enlightening experience that has enabled me to no longer feel ashamed or unworthy, but instead embrace myself completely with an improved self-image and greater appreciation for life itself!
Understanding the Causes of Low Self-Esteem
While low self-esteem can emerge at any life stage, it often has its roots in our formative years. As an LPCC licensed therapist, I have found that the most profound determinants of our self-esteem are the early experiences and interactions we have with the world around us. Particularly, how we are treated by significant figures in our lives and the messages we internalize from these experiences.
A History of Negative Feedback and its Impact
Consistent exposure to criticism or negative feedback can significantly skew a child’s self-perception. They may start to believe that they’re inherently flawed or lacking in worth. This pattern can be triggered by situations where children are repeatedly reprimanded, undervalued, or dismissed, leading them to associate their worth with their ability to meet others’ standards.
The Fallout of Unattainable Expectations
Sometimes, the people we look up to – our parents, caregivers, teachers – set exceptionally high standards. These standards might be unattainable or unrealistic, yet falling short of them can foster feelings of inadequacy. Individuals may develop a distorted self-perception, believing they’re never enough, no matter how much they accomplish. This continuous struggle to measure up can lead to chronically low self-esteem.
Deprivation of Affection: A Silent Contributor
Not all wounds are visible; emotional neglect is a silent but potent contributor to low self-esteem. The absence of warmth, affection, and positive validation during childhood can leave individuals with a pervasive sense of unworthiness. They may struggle to form meaningful connections, nurture their personal ambitions, or believe in their intrinsic worth, resulting in a compromised self-esteem.
The Peer Factor: Fitting In and Standing Out
A crucial aspect of our self-perception comes from our sense of belonging. Adolescence, a period marked by identity exploration, intensifies the need to fit in. Feeling like an outcast or being unable to integrate with one’s peers can deeply affect an individual’s self-esteem. This is especially true in cases of bullying, which not only validates negative self-perceptions but also induces feelings of shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. Over time, these experiences can erode self-esteem, leaving lasting scars on an individual’s self-worth.
Experiences of Discrimination
Experiences of discrimination or prejudice, based on race, gender, sexuality, or any other identifying characteristic, can also significantly impact one’s self-esteem. Regular encounters with discriminatory attitudes and behaviors can lead individuals to internalize negative stereotypes, resulting in a distorted self-image and reduced self-esteem.
Understanding these factors is key to unraveling the complex matrix of low self-esteem. It allows for targeted, effective strategies to rebuild self-worth and cultivate a healthier, more positive self-perception.
Recognizing the Signs: Do I Have Low Self-Esteem?
Recognizing and acknowledging the presence of low self-esteem is the first step towards healing and transformation. While a professional diagnosis is always the most accurate, understanding and recognizing the symptoms can provide you with the initial insight. Below, we’ve curated some questions that could help you reflect on the presence of low self-esteem in your life. Please rate your agreement with each statement on a scale from 1-5, where 1 is ‘Strongly Disagree’ and 5 is ‘Strongly Agree’.
- I often doubt my worth as a person.
- I am frequently held back by my own self-doubts.
- Negative self-talk affects my decisions and actions.
- I still carry the burden of past failures and mistakes.
- I tend to measure my worth based on how I stack up against others.
- I believe I am my worst critic.
- I struggle to find effective ways to deal with feelings of inferiority.
- I believe I have more flaws than strengths.
- I am often dissatisfied with who I am.
- I have trouble standing up for myself or expressing my needs.
If your score is 40 or above, this suggests you may be dealing with low self-esteem. However, it’s important to remember this self-assessment is not a professional diagnosis but a preliminary introspective tool. If you strongly identify with these feelings, reaching out to a mental health professional for a formal evaluation is recommended.
Scores below 20 suggest that you may not be grappling with chronic low self-esteem, but it’s essential to remember that we all experience moments of self-doubt. If you find these feelings intensifying or persisting over time, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
This self-evaluation is intended to promote self-awareness and should not be used as a definitive diagnosis. Remember, mental health is complex and multifaceted – you’re encouraged to reach out to us or a trusted mental health specialist for comprehensive support and guidance.
What Perpetuates Low Self-Esteem?
According substantial research, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is one of the most efficient treatments available to those struggling with low self-esteem. CBT therapists take the stance that, while a certain issue may be set off by something else, what matters more is pinpointing why it persists and how to cease its influence on your life.
Dr. Melanie Fennell, a clinical psychologist, developed a noteworthy CBT model of low self-esteem, using her research and experience as a guide. According to Fennell’s model, negative beliefs surrounding oneself arise from how they have been treated in life; these are known as ‘core beliefs’.
Core beliefs defined:
“I’m worthless” or “I’m no good”, which are deeply rooted in one’s mind. When people have to face their core beliefs, it can be very upsetting and hard. So people develop ways to protect themselves from facing these beliefs. Individuals with diminished self-worth tend to subscribe to stringent and inflexible standards such as “I must always please others,” or, “As long as I avoid criticism then all is good.”
When these rules don’t seem fair, it can cause anxiety. If someone believes that their worthiness depends on making others happy, any time this isn’t achieved could be upsetting. Confronted with such a dilemma, people often assume the worst-case scenario. For instance, feeling humiliated if the expectations are not fulfilled. This causes them to become harsh and self-critical of themselves, thus avoiding any potential risk.
According to Fennell’s model, all of these elements work together in a continuing cycle of stress where the individual’s protective strategies may actually stop them from attaining higher self-esteem instead of aiding it.
Five Comprehensive Strategies to Boost Low Self-Esteem
Embarking on the journey to improve self-esteem involves recognizing its current state and applying consistent, practical steps to nurture it. Here are five holistic strategies that can help you combat low self-esteem:
Transforming Negative Self-talk
Acknowledge that your internal dialogue significantly influences your self-esteem. Start identifying and challenging detrimental beliefs and thoughts about yourself. This could involve maintaining a journal to track your thoughts and counter them with more balanced or positive self-statements.
Establishing Attainable Goals
Begin by setting small, realistic goals that you can achieve within a reasonable time frame. Meeting these goals can enhance your self-confidence and resilience, eventually contributing to a healthier self-esteem. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how minor they may seem, as these positive experiences accumulate to shape your self-image positively.
Fostering a Supportive Social Network
Building a network of empathetic and supportive people – be it friends, family, or a therapist – can significantly impact your journey. Engage in open conversations about your feelings and progress, and don’t shy away from seeking reassurance or positive affirmations. Connecting with others experiencing similar situations can also cultivate a sense of belonging and acceptance.
Promoting Physical Well-being
Regular physical activity can be an empowering tool to combat low self-esteem. Exercise releases endorphins – known as ‘feel-good’ hormones – that can help alleviate stress and symptoms of depression. Whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or a high-intensity workout, find a routine that resonates with you and observe how it elevates your mood and self-perception.
Implementing Self-care Practices
Self-care is not just about physical well-being but encompasses your mental and emotional health as well. Engage in mindfulness activities such as meditation, practice relaxation techniques, or invest time in hobbies that bring you joy. Prioritizing self-care sends a powerful message to your subconscious: “I am worth this time and effort,” significantly bolstering your self-esteem.
Remember, improving self-esteem is a journey, not a destination. It requires time, patience, and persistence. There might be setbacks along the way, but each step you take towards fostering a healthy self-esteem is a victory in itself.
Don't suffer any Longer, Let Us Help.
Don’t let a low self-esteem hold you back any longer. Instantly schedule with us at Northstar Counseling & Therapy to start building a more confident and fulfilling life for yourself today.
Megan Corrieri
Owner, Clinician, Wife & Mom
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