Lack of Intimacy

Couple with a lack of intimacy

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy is a close and personal connection that two individuals feel for each other. Intimacy is a deep emotional bond that individuals share over time. This emotional bond should breed unconditional care for one another’s well-being and overall comfort when in their company. Intimacy is the opportunity to be fully known, accepted and appreciated by someone. Intimacy allows us to grow and experience unbreakable trust with someone who deeply understands our individual needs like keeping our secrets are safe. Even if no words are actually spoken, intimacy is an essential component to achieving meaningful relationships with others.

What creates the lack of intimacy in relationships?

The lack of communication about feelings can create confusion and chaos in a relationship. Communication between partners is essential. Partners who never discuss their emotions or struggle to address feelings will never be able to have a healthy and happy relationship. There will always be struggles, more than needed, due to the fact that no one is a mind reader. This in return leads to a lack of intimacy.

One of the exciting and enjoyable parts of being a couple is sharing similar interests and hobbies. Doing activities together opens ups the possibility to more fun times, experiences, and building intimacy. Of course, it is okay if not all hobbies are shared, just as long as there are mutual enjoyable activities to partake in with one another. If this changes and a partner is no longer wanting to be involved in previously shared activities or hobbies a healthy conversation should take it’s place. 

What are signs of intimacy issues?

People who are private and refuse to share information about their personal life will only lead to distance within the relationship. The leading of separate lives will naturally create that lack of intimacy. It’s important to note that this should not be confused with having some independency, which can be healthy in a relationship. This is more about a partner that is outwardly withholding information about themselves or their day it is a cause for concern. 

Being distant from your partner can turn into a major problem when one or both partners are feeling disconnected. This typically will lead to feelings of unhappiness and loneliness. This also further compounds the issue of partners wanting to work toward a resolution, as the disconnect promotes low motivation or desire for change.

Lacking support for each other often tends to be the final deal breaker for most people. The whole point of a relationship is to be loved, respected and supported. If this crucial component is left out, it is not uncommon for a partner to find that need somewhere else. Keep in mind, there is a distint difference in agreeing on everything vs accepting and supporting one another. 

The lack of intimacy isn't just sex

The component that most couples associate with intimacy is the effects of lack of physical intimacy in the relationship. As we see above, there are many components of intimacy other than sex. This is not to say that sex isn’t important, it is, just as much as the others. When a partner is no longer wanting to engage in physical touch or sexual situations with the other, this may be an indication that the intimacy in the relationship is in serious trouble. 

The inability to listen to each other is another crucial and hurtful trait in relationships. If one person is willing to open up and share, it is the others responsibility to listen and understand. Without actively listening to the other person, they will see their thoughts and feelings landing on deaf ears. This doesn’t promote an environment where someone can feel appreciated and does not promote growth. This is where counseling can really benefit a couple.

Can depression be caused by a lack of intimacy?

Franz Mesmer believed that depression can be caused by a lack of intimacy. Intimacy can include both physical and emotional connections with another person. Feeling emotionally connected to someone not only boosts one’s self-esteem and feelings of wellbeing, but it can also reduce depression and anxiety levels. When an individual is unable to make or maintain these connections with others, they can often experience depression, as they feel isolated and disconnected from the world around them. This suggests that depression caused by lack of intimacy is very possible and should not be discounted as a potential cause.

Signs there's no emotional intimacy

When the lack of emotional intimacy exists in a relationship or marriage, it can be concerning. Intimacy problems in a relationship can lead to distance and lack of communication that creates an unhealthy connection. This lack of intimacy may manifest as lack of trust, lack of closeness or lack of warmth. If your partner no longer compliments you or shares meaningful conversations, it could be an indication that there’s not enough emotional intimacy in the relationship. If you feel like there is no more “us” when spending time and talking together, this also could be a sign that your relationship lacks sincere emotional intimacy. As Julie Gottman says, “it’s important to recognize if emotional detachment is present in a relationship because addressing these issues early on can prevent further pain and discouragement down the road.”

Can a relationship survive a lack of intimacy?

Intimacy is a crucial element in relationships and it isn’t something you can replace with simply being ‘friendly’. Without intimacy, partners often experience a kind of disconnection that can weaken the relationship and cause them to drift further apart. Though intimacy is core to keeping relationships strong, it’s possible for a couple to survive without intimacy if they focus on things like mutual respect, communication, and understanding of each other’s needs. With commitment and willingness to put in the work, couples may be able to maintain an intimate feeling even though there isn’t any passionate physical connection, allowing their relationship to endure.

The effects of lacking physical intimacy in a relationship

Physical intimacy is a  component of an emotionally healthy and fulfilling relationship. Without physicality, couples are missing out on one of the more important aspects of bonding and connection. With a lack of physical connection, partners may feel less emotionally secure in the relationship and then may begin to question their own attractiveness or self-worth. They might also end up feeling alone or detached from their partner throughout difficult moments, leading to lingering resentment and communication breakdowns.

In order for couples to sustain a strong connection, it is essential that both partners make time for physical intimacy, whether that involves deep hugs, romantic dates, thoughtful touches around the house, or sex. Allowing yourself the opportunity to renew your physical connection can help to bring you closer together and build trust between both of you.

In therapy, I often work with couples by helping them comprehend their importance of physical intimacy within their relationship. Touch has the power to aid communication and trusting one another as well as creating positive memories together. It’s my goal to provide techniques for couples to deploy during their daily interactions that help build intimacy.

Meet with a Top Intimacy Therapist

Instantly schedule a free consultation with an intimacy therapist to help get your relationship back on track. Our therapists offering intimacy therapy in Minnesota and Texas are fully licensed and nationally accredited.

Free Intimacy Consultation

We can help you to identify and understand your relationships needs to get back on track. While you may be struggling with a lack of intimacy, chances are there are more deep rooted problems that are impacting your partners willingness to be intimate.


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